DENVER — A study by the Center for the Afterlife released today shows that counseling before death will “dramatically” cut the time before a disembodied person is able to access the AfterNet.

Bryce Morrow, a spokesman for the center said, “The study, in cooperation with the National Institutes of Health, shows that the amount of time before a person can effectively use the AfterNet is about two days, if they have undergone counseling. For those without any counseling or field training, it can take as long as two weeks before they’re able to go online, with an average of about 10 days.

“This study also shows that local health agencies should be involved in pre-mortem counseling, instead of the hodge podge of groups that provide that counseling now.”

Although several states have passed laws requiring that hospitals, hospices and other end-of-life care facilities provide afterlife counseling, the majority of counseling is provided by faith-based organizations.

“I know organized religion and the whole subject of the afterlife is still perceived by many as being at odds, but honestly, we have to thank these groups for being the major source of counseling. But as well-meaning as their efforts are, they are unorganized and we think local governments, the state and federal governments, should be involved.”